4938 S Staples St • Corpus Christi, TX 78411 • (361) 985-0398
Corpus, a city ignored by the culture of US pop culture, has not been ignored by chain restaurants. In that department we’re blessed (or cursed) to host all but a few of the flavorless feed-troughs that spring up in every crappy shopping center across the USA with a few notable exceptions. No Papasitos. No White Castle. And until recently, no Chipotle. For years now, there’s been one big name looming over the taco world. No, not taco bell – they are really their own genre and should not enter into the debate over best tacos. That name is Chipotle. I can end the suspense. I’ve now eaten there, and I am saying, unequivocally, they suck.
I entered with an open mind, but I threw a monkey wrench into the gears of progress and stopped the common feeder line when I asked the disinterested factor worker behind the counter if the tortillas were made in-house. ‘Nope.’
“Do you know where they’re shipped from?” I asked. After some annoyance and a lot of passing the question up the chain of command a yell came from the back of the kitchen. “Irving.” Then the slack jawed hipster in front of me adds “but they’re GMO free.” But they ought to be free free, because they taste like shit. I got the minimum order of tacos, which is three. Pricewise they’re in the same range as local taquerias, squarely in the $7-8 neighborhood for three tacos. I ordered 1 carnitas, one barbacoa, and one asada. It’s one of those situations where you have to specify what combination of add-ons the tacos will receive or they can’t make them. I attribute this to a lack of imagination, but whatever the case the feed-line ground to a halt again as I argued with the new schmuck manning a… (salad bar?). The carnitas tasted like shit. The barbacoa tasted like shit. And the asada might have actually been shit. The salsa was good though, and the salt was GMO free.
I went to the bathroom to wash the dripping from my tacos that were breaking down at an alarming rate off my hands. There was a spray of shit in the uncleaned toilet, the sink didn’t work (but the soap did) and there were no paper towels. I walked away from this taco-pocalypse with a burning combination of soap and salsa on my unwashed hands. Fuck this place.
Our Taco Award Winner for this week is:
Known for a string of less than stellar movies and for being really hot in the 80’s, Morgan Fairchild is still hot, and probably will be into her 80’s. Just ask P.W. (James Brolin) from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. This is her 2 years ago at 62.
Offer includes 2 tacos, an audience with the ‘tacoteurs,’ and a free tacotopia t-shirt. Please redeem this offer at Whetstone Graphics on a Friday morning of your choice. Offer subject to cancellation by order of the wives of the tacoteurs. Enter to win by emailing us at firstname.lastname@example.org.