4301 S. Staples St, Corpus Christi, Texas • 361-994-6530

I make my way down staples to go from North to South if I have the time, and if my pickup’s suspension is up to the task, and if schools aren’t letting out, because I like the way it looks. My GPS tells me to take Crosstown to SPID. My wife will always take Ocean. I, however prefer Staples which is like a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder: often rude and ugly, people say bad things about her, but she is always being used. I have a morbid affection for the sad and broken. I often stop at the Sunrise Mall, located on Staples, so that I can pay my respects before it gives up the ghost.

Ad for Piggly Wiggly on Staples, 1927

For those of you who don’t live here, Staples was once a main artery that is now old and hardened. Littered with decrepit buildings and people who have no illusions about the difficulty of this world, Staples grudges ahead in admirable fashion, dragging the broken pieces of it’s history behind it. If you’re from Austin, think Lamar in the 80s. Here there is no irony, what you see is what you get. Vestiges of the glory of the 50s and 60s are barely visible, as a Wal Mart is built upon the grave of Parkdale Village like the housing development in Poltergeist. “You moved the cemetery, but you left the bodies, didn’t you? You son of a bitch, you left the bodies and you only moved the headstones! You-only-moved-the-headstones! Why? Why?”

Located toward the less abject end of Staples is Hacienda Vieja, ‘Old Plantation.’ You don’t have to look to closely at the Hacienda Vieja to recognize the signature ‘architecture’ that says “I was once a Bill Miller.” Freshly, if barely, remodeled, it doesn’t smell like a taqueria, but you acclimate quickly. I was greeted by the Hat, and friend of Tacotopia Joe Hilliard. The company was great. The tacos, slightly less than great but good at least. The chorizo and egg was unobtrusive, a bit too polite for my taste but well dressed with a hint of cinnamon. The carne guisada consisted of nearly perfect cubes of beef whose texture was almost as ideal as their shape. The sauce was not bad, definitely a house recipe, no food service here (I’d guess). The tortillas were fresh and good, maybe a tad doughy. The salsa roja was sloppy and hot, heavy on the chiles with a dry finish. The coffee came in tiny brown coffee cups that, though we tried, we could not empty without a pretty waitress refilling them. We observed that they have a full bar but I didn’t order anything that would muscle out the 20 cups of coffee. I’ll be back.

As we emerged, we saw El Aleño a block away with a new paint job since we reviewed it nearly 2 years ago. Another new face on an old character.

Our Taco Award Winner for this week is:

Marcia Gay Harden

A Navy brat, Marcia Gay Harden has been around the world. She has acted on stage and screen, winning an Oscar and a Tony. She graduated from UT Austin, and then NYU, and is often cast as an uptight mother as in Whip-It (damn she wore that postal uniform well though) but I fixated on her when I first saw her in 1991’s Crush. Since then she’s turned some stellar performances in a ton of movies such as Miller’s Crossing, the Spitfire Grill, Pollock (for which she won an Oscar for playing the too-ugly-for-Marcia-to-portray Lee Krasner), Spy Hard, Mystic River, and Into the Wild. At 51, she is as beautiful as she was at 21, and is in my opinion one of the best actors around.

Offer includes 2 tacos, an audience with the ‘tacoteurs,’ and a free tacotopia t-shirt. Please redeem this offer at Whetstone Graphics on a Friday morning of your choice. Offer subject to cancellation by order of the wives of the tacoteurs. Enter to win by emailing your name on the back of Miller’s Crossing to tacos@tacotopia.net.

We live in a time and place where agents of evil have endeavored to divide us. Independent and critical thought is squelched by a bilateral conspiracy to manipulate us. We are like iron filings and there’s a ginormous magnet right under the earth’s crust; we’re pulled between the two poles and if you can manage not to succumb to the attraction of one or the other you’re nearly pulled apart by the effort.

The tortillas were good, fresh, and warm with a light sprinkling of flour. This doesn’t bother me, but many find it inexcusable. The chorizo & egg is difficult to wrap my head around: it was quite good, but not with a strong flavor. There was almost no grease which usually means the taco will have almost no flavor, but it was not the case. The flavor was strong, but I couldn’t place it. I didn’t need to salt the taco. The mixture was fairly homogenous, but not in a bad way. With some of the salsa verde it was quite good, but a taco of nothing but their delicious green salsa would be delici0us by itself with a subtle and complex avocado pepper flavor. The red salsa was nearly as good, and tasted of smoky dried chilis.

The carne guisada was also fairly lean, but not on flavor. It was an assault on the mouth, but I liked it. I couldn’t identify what the flavor was coming from, it was beefy but sharp and not hot. The taste was one dimensional but it’s a good dimension. After another 20 or 30 cups of coffee we emerged into the light of day, ready to try and navigate a path toward unity and the common good, and that path was written on the front of a custom goldwing.

Our Taco Award Winner for this week is:

Ornella Muti

I know very little about Ornella, but I do know she played Aura in Flash Gordon. Really, what else do you need to know? By the way, the picture on the left was taken last year, 30 years after the one on the right.

Offer includes 2 tacos, an audience with the ‘tacoteurs,’ and a free tacotopia t-shirt. Please redeem this offer at Whetstone Graphics on a Friday morning of your choice. Offer subject to cancellation by order of the wives of the tacoteurs.  Enter to win by emailing your name on the back of an vinyl copy of Queen’s Flash Gordon Soundtrack to tacos@tacotopia.net.

‘I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!’

Does anyone remember this line from Network? That’s how I’m feeling this morning. I don’t want to get into a list of the things that are bothering me – they have nothing to do with the topic at hand: tacos. But I am. I’m mad at the guy who fixed the roof that is as we speak leaking into 6 buckets. I’m pissed off at the jerk who broke into my truck, stole my bass guitar 6 months ago and destroyed my driver’s side lock in the process forcing me to open my passenger side door first 20 times a frickin’ day. I’m done with the republican party for being hypocrites and I’m livid at the democrats for not having their crap together enough to get a damned thing done when they have control over all three branches of government. And all of them for being lying bastards.  I’m mad at the tech who fixed my embroidery machine, because I had to get it fixed again after 1 day, and again after it was fixed the 2nd time.  I’m mad at whoever made my office smell like garlic chicken soup yesterday. And why the hell did they cancel Carnivàle and Deadwood and the Wire and Swingtown and Brotherhood when CSI Miami and Extreme Home Makeover are still on the air?  And black eyes to anyone who says Katrina was a natural disaster when it’s a disaster that would have been mitigated had the Army Corps of Engineers managed the levees the way they said they were. And you damned kids with your droopy drawers, I hope you fall down and bust your ass while you’re running from the cops after perpetrating some half assed wannabe gangsta caper.

And it seems I’m not alone in my seething hostility, in fact the whole world is up to their eyeballs in a seemingly endless flood of insufferable malarky. Just look at Epic Beard Man who ‘lost his composure’ all over the face of a guy whose mother should have taught him to respect his elders, or at least not to invite some mentally unstable veteran who is a good 10 inches and 50 pounds better’n’you, and that being 67 doesn’t mean he’s not gonna make good on his promise not return fire. And if you think it has to do with racial tension, you’ll see Tom ‘Vietnam’ Bruso fail to exercise common sense in this other video where he refuses to cooperate with some caucasoid police at a ball game.  I think he’s unhinged, but it’s understandable in this world of ingrates and schmucks (tacotopia readership, of course, excluded – you guys rock!)

This Can't End Well

There is one thing that soothes my delicate sensibilities when I’m ready to throw myself under the D-Town Tram like what almost happened to the whacked-out broad who gave my kid an impromtu anatomy lesson on Fat Tuesday before pelting empty cars with candy and beads before stumbling off and somehow avoiding injury, and that’s breakfast tacos.

This morning brought us to El Sol de Mexico, which occupies the property that used to house Elva’s before it shut its doors.  Casey Lain at House of Rock told me about this place when I was dropping off some posters for his upcoming songwriter series which will feature Joe Ely (Feb 27th), Monte Montgomery (March 11th) and Michael O’Connor on April Fool’s Day.

As you can see the interior is completely redesigned, and the soothing earth tone decor and the smells coming from the kitchen washed over me, extinguishing my burning hostility.  The waitress brought us coffee, and I think there must have been some kind of issue with the coffee maker because the steam from it must be what shrunk her clothes.  She was pretty, and very friendly, and it’s hard to be angry when there’s a pretty lady pouring you coffee (that’s why I’m never angry at my house).

The tacos came out, and we took out our remaining aggression on them. My carne guisada was very good, tender with a lot of cumino, and my chorizo & egg might be more aptly named chorizo and the vaguest suggestion of egg.  And the coffee was good.  And the tortillas were good.  What was I complaining about again? Things are great!  I’m dying to go to work! Hip Hip Hooray!  I love Friday mornings!

Our free taco winner for this week is:

Rosie Perez

From the first time the world saw her, in the beginning of ‘Do the Right Thing,’ the world has not been the same.  An unflinching warrior in the fight to be an actress in an industry that would rather she assume the role of an ethnic actress, Rosie looks better than ever at 45. And while we don’t have any Puerto Rican restaurants here in Corpus Christi, we do have some killer tacos.

Offer includes 2 tacos, an audience with the ‘tacoteurs,’ and a free tacotopia t-shirt. Please redeem this offer at Whetstone Graphics on a Friday morning of your choice. Offer subject to cancellation by order of the wives of the tacoteurs.  Enter to win by emailing your name and an autographed dvd of ‘Perdita Durango‘ to tacos@tacotopia.net.