El Palenque – The Slice of Vice Edition

Corpus Christi, TX 78408

We are no different, Kevin & I, as we lay our money down for the spectacle. I bet on the favorite to win, a half breed plate with a Carne Guisada taco and a Chorizo & Egg. Kevin had a hot tip about a fix – the Picadillo taco and his friend Dale, the taco. My Coffee was gigantic, as were most of the hulking patrons. There was no red salsa, only a delicious green – as if to say ‘red salsa? we don’t need no stinking red salsa!’ We dared not eat the corn tortillas, as we were told by the merciful waitress they were not homemade as she dispensed salsa into what seemed like 500 tiny cups with speed that would put a machine to shame. She was sharp, that one. She knew everyone’s name and had their regular orders at their tables almost before they could sit down. She looked like she’d faced some trouble in her life but was still trim and cheerful, with a proud beauty covering the abuses of time. The banter with the english speaking customers was salty. The only Spanish I heard was from the radio, and almost none of the customers were Mexican.
The Chorizo & Egg was very light on the Chorizo. The Carne Guisada redeemed the breakfast, with huge chunks of beef and a soupy sauce all resting on thick fresh flour tortillas.
On the way back home Kevin tried to piece together the confusing fragments of memory from the night before:
Yes Ian, the fix was in. My feathers ruffled upon entering the pit. Armed only with cockspurs of the trade, a fork, I raged, skwalking in anticipation of the unknown. I set upon my duel, taco a mano, with the taco known as Dale.
Dale, a long time patron who still frequents the Palenque, ordered a bean, egg, cheese and two slices of bacon so regularly that they named it after him. As tacos go, it was good. The beans were the perfect texture, but missing any snap. The bacon was well done, but not too crispy. Not the most worthy opponent, but I was happy for the lightweight first round…and it was a good thing, for the next battle surely tested my mettle.
The picadillo at first taste was a bit bland, but with a strategic application of sal, the flavors brightened and I knew I was in a run for my money. I could see the other patrons glancing askance to see how I would fare in battle. I’m not sure, but I think I saw Ian covering a bet with the waitress. Surely he was betting on my success… surely. The taco was really good. A mix of ground beef, potatoes, and in this case chunks of bright orange carrots made the hash both tasty and visually appealing. In the end it didn’t stand a chance either, and its broken body was the proof of my victory.

The tortillas were very good. I disregarded my custom of one flour and one corn at the recommendation of the owner. They didn’t serve a hand-made corn tarpaulin. Too bad, but I won’t fault them as the flour torts were very good. The salsa was green, and served in a squeeze bottle. It had a good fresh taste of chili with plenty of heat, very good I would say. The coffee was served in a cup that was large enough to have sequestered a small gamecock–and it was good.
In the end, I walked out victorious but not unscathed. It’s likely I will wear the parting shot of salsa from the picadillo on my shirt for the duration of the day. Salud.
We got away with little more than the shirts on our backs, and worn out stomachs as we made our way home to beg our wives to take us in and forgive us – one more time.



Taqueria Almeida would fool you into thinking it would have food as non-descript as the ubiquitous plate glass windows of the shopping center in which it’s housed. It is not, however, without some character and heart. The big digitally produced backlit sign you see when pulling into the lot sits alongside a few hand-painted beauties. There is a drive through. There is green carpet on the walls, and lots of old-time Mexican kitsch that make you forget that you’re eating across from the Corpus Christi Athletic Club. It’s not only ironic but if you consider the full bar and the generous portions it’s a finger in the eye to the gym, and a net loss in the ledger of health for the block.
I got the usual; Coffee, Carne Guisada, Chorizo & Egg. I’m told I should get the C&E here with cheese but I opted to stick to my ‘scientific method’ (the quotes indicate more irony). The tortillas were excellent and could be a meal in themselves, especially when combined with the salsas (green and red) which are the best I’ve had in ages, except for my mother-in-law’s. They’re about the only taqueria salsa I can think of that is really hot, and good enough to make you burn your mouth using a lot of it. The Chorizo & Egg is not bad, not exceptional. The Carne Guisada is epic in it’s richness. The reddest I’ve had, and saturated with spice. And I will be wearing a path to the baño after the five cups of coffee I drank thanks to the quick action of the polite waitresses. Kevy the explorer handled the more challenging edibles on our excursion into Corpus Christi’s exterior (better than the posterior).

