4701 IH- 37 • 6:00 AM – 7:00 AM

Einstein’s theory of relativity tells us that with a greater gravitational force acting upon an object it will pass more slowly through time. Scientists from NIST last month, with the help of two new ultra-precise Aluminum-Ion clocks, were able to measure a difference in the effect of gravity when the two clocks were only 13 inches apart. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around, but think of it like this. Corpus Christi sits over a base of a few incredibly dense people who cause an increase in the cities gravitation field which in turn causes the us to lag about 5-15 years behind most American cities in terms of adoption of new technology and cultural innovations.

There are of course exceptions to this. We are light years ahead of the rest of the world in taco technology. Our economic collapse was about 25 years ahead of that of the rest of the nation, but through some space-time anomaly it appears we may be stuck in this fiscal valley for an eternity. Most other things, though, happen in other places years before we get them. An example of this is the trending phenomenon of taco trucks, also known as Loncheras. In California, innovator of American culture in all things from hot rods to emissions standards to bo-tox, taco trucks are legion. They are so numerous, in fact, that the Food Network has made a reality show about them. To our north is Austin, a town that (bless it’s heart) makes up for the low quality of its tacos with high prices, and in turn innovations in the sales, marketing, and distribution of the objects of our desire. Armed with mobile kitchens, tech knowledge, and social media enabled devices, operators of what once were called roach coaches are taking over the culinary landscape in metropolitan areas all over the US. Their impact is enough that brick and mortar restaurants are pressing politicians to squeeze mobile vendors with increased regulations and code enforcement.

We don’t have this problem in Tacotopia, for two reasons. One – it’s hard to find a working taco truck, and two – it’s hard to find working politicians. We are at least 10 years behind Austin in taco truck proliferation. And while it is hard to find a mobile taco vendor, it is not impossible. We ran upon one in the parking lot of one of the Hurb’s Burgers on IH-37. It wasn’t a taco truck proper, it was just a white van with a cooler and a coroplast sign behind the windshield, but they did have a limited selection of tacos and a friendly disposition. There didn’t appear to be any coffee, but right across the parking lot was a bona-fide vending trailer that would have been at home in LA county: Hot Cups, combining coffee with bikinis. Ashley served us two hefty coffees with a winning smile and her tattoos peeking up out of her daisy dukes. Innovation is a good thing. The coffee was good too, dark and rich with a hint of hazelnut.

The Hat and I headed back to a testing facility to analyze the fare. The tortillas were fresh as one could hope for from the back of an unmarked van, and better than the nominally handmade tortillas we had last time at Las Milpas on Navigation. The carne guisada was quite good, making up for less than great beef with exceptional gravy. Add to this some top-notch red fresh salsa and you’ve got a winner. The chorizo & egg was good too, barely warm but better than room temperature and with little (but not too little) red grease.

The Hat talked to the taco seller who indicated he does own and operate a truck, but that it’s undergoing some needed repairs. We hope he gets it back on the road soon, so we can avail ourselves of the taste of tomorrow.

Our Taco Award Winner for this week is:

Raquel Welch

Some of you will recognize the photo to your left, which was taken around 1965, the year the US became involved in the Vietnam conflict, and the year Pillsbury introduced the Pillsbury Doughboy. We hadn’t landed on the moon, Woodstock was years away, and the Beatles were still performing. Ms. Welch was 25, and if you do the math you’ll see that the slice of hotness on the right is a seemingly impossible 70 years old. She must have a profound understanding of fluctuations in the space/time continuum in order to have avoided the effects of time as well as those of gravity. She was married to Hollywood wildman Robert Evans and actually feuded with Mae West, whom she called a ‘dockworker in drag.’ And even though she’s one of the most iconic sex symbols ever, she has been able to reconcile that with her faith and lifelong weekly church attendance. Somebody’s living right.

Offer includes 2 tacos, an audience with the ‘tacoteurs,’ and a free tacotopia t-shirt. Please redeem this offer at  to tacos@tacotopia.net. on a Friday morning of your choice. Offer subject to cancellation by order of the wives of the tacoteurs.  Enter to win by emailing your name on the back of a dvd of ‘Mother, Jugs & Speed.‘