4938 S Staples St • Corpus Christi, TX 78411 • (361) 985-0398

Corpus, a city ignored by the culture of US pop culture, has not been ignored by chain restaurants. In that department we’re blessed (or cursed) to host all but a few of the flavorless feed-troughs that spring up in every crappy shopping center across the USA with a few notable exceptions. No Papasitos. No White Castle. And until recently, no Chipotle. For years now, there’s been one big name looming over the taco world. No, not taco bell – they are really their own genre and should not enter into the debate over best tacos. That name is Chipotle. I can end the suspense. I’ve now eaten there, and I am saying, unequivocally, they suck.

I entered with an open mind, but I threw a monkey wrench into the gears of progress and stopped the common feeder line when I asked the disinterested factor worker behind the counter if the tortillas were made in-house. ‘Nope.’

“Do you know where they’re shipped from?” I asked. After some annoyance and a lot of passing the question up the chain of command a yell came from the back of the kitchen. “Irving.” Then the slack jawed hipster in front of me adds “but they’re GMO free.” But they ought to be free free, because they taste like shit. I got the minimum order of tacos, which is three. Pricewise they’re in the same range as local taquerias, squarely in the $7-8 neighborhood for three tacos. I ordered 1 carnitas, one barbacoa, and one asada. It’s one of those situations where you have to specify what combination of add-ons the tacos will receive or they can’t make them. I attribute this to a lack of imagination, but whatever the case the feed-line ground to a halt again as I argued with the new schmuck manning a… (salad bar?). The carnitas tasted like shit. The barbacoa tasted like shit. And the asada might have actually been shit. The salsa was good though, and the salt was GMO free.

I went to the bathroom to wash the dripping from my tacos that were breaking down at an alarming rate off my hands. There was a spray of shit in the uncleaned toilet, the sink didn’t work (but the soap did) and there were no paper towels. I walked away from this taco-pocalypse with a burning combination of soap and salsa on my unwashed hands. Fuck this place.

Our Taco Award Winner for this week is:

Morgan Fairchild

Known for a string of less than stellar movies and for being really hot in the 80’s, Morgan Fairchild is still hot, and probably will be into her 80’s. Just ask P.W. (James Brolin) from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. This is her 2 years ago at 62.

Offer includes 2 tacos, an audience with the ‘tacoteurs,’ and a free tacotopia t-shirt. Please redeem this offer at Whetstone Graphics on a Friday morning of your choice. Offer subject to cancellation by order of the wives of the tacoteurs. Enter to win by emailing us at tacos@tacotopia.net.

Strip Tease – Taqueria Nueva Vallarta

What a mess.  I don’t know about where you are right now, but the Sparkling City is a mess.  We’ve had a slow drizzle for the last couple of days and the grit and grime of the city has been uprooted from its natural place on the streets, and deposited on every surface in the city.  The muddy patina that looked so at home on my old Dodge POS, looks out-of-place on my current truck.   But at least I’m not the only dirty bird on the road.  Still, after a couple of days of muck, I’m ready for some sparkle.  And that’s just what I found.

Being in the taco-eating business, I get recommendations all the time about taco shops I should try.  Friend and taco fan, Jim always has a recommendation and has quite often proven to be in the know about new shops in town.  Most recently, he suggested Taqueria Nuevo Vallarta on Staples and I thought I’d give it a go.  The Taco Show Host was unavailable this morning, so I had asked another tacoficianado, Johnny Joe to meet me there and have breakfast.  Johnny’s a veteran of tortilla-wrapped deliciousness and has set us on to several good shops in the past.

Quite the contrast to the dismal, sloppy, mud-coated city outside, inside Nuevo Vallarta was bright and shiny.  It’s located in a strip mall in the newly renovated Parkdale plaza.  There’s not a spec of dirt anywhere in the place.  Our waitress, Nadia, told us that they had just been open for two weeks and were still working out some of the kinks.   I noticed the temporary signage on the building, but I really didn’t notice any kinks.

Nv. Vallarta is a full-service restaurant and while it was a bit early for me, I did notice a nice bar tucked in the corner.  The menu was varied and I jumped to the taco section expecting to find the usual fare, but to my surprise, I found more.  I ended up with a machacado con huevos a la Mexicana on a homemade corn tort and a lingua con cilantro y cebollas on flour.  Johnny ordered a carne guisada with aquacate and a chorizo, bean and egg, both on flour.

As we waited, we talked about old Dodges and dead hogs.  The coffee was good and kept piping hot by frequent visits from our waitress.  She brought us a couple of squirt bottles of hot sauce in preparation for our meal.  It wasn’t long before our tacos arrived and they were beauts.  The machacado taco had plenty of the carne seco.  The vegetables were fresh and the corn tortilla delicious.  It was one of those thinner, toothier torts that held up well to the overstuffed onslaught of the machacado mix.  The lengua also was good, not spectacular, but good.  The flour tortilla it was sharing space with though was primo.  I asked our server which of the sauces was the hotter of the two and she said that for her, neither.  She said she was fond of chiles.  Both sauces, red and green were rich and flavorful.  Not very hot.  But Johnny was prepared for the lack of heat, having secreted in a small jar of homemade sauce that definitely brought the heat.

We chatted with the waitress about fishing as we finished up breakfast.  I don’t know why, but I have a prejudice about strip malls.  But Taqueria Nuevo Vallarta definitely slapped that right out of my head.  Our breakfast was a total of $15 and well worth it.  I recommend checking out the joint.  I already have plans to go back for lunch or dinner and try one of the platos.

Salud

Our Taco Award Winner for this week is:

Karen Allen

Karen Allen

My first exposure to Ms Allen was in the movie Animal House.  She played the level-headed love interest of one of the Delts.  But the role that made her famous was that of Marion Ravenwood in Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Her acting career spans just about 4 decades and she shows no sign of giving it up.  About here, the Taco Show Host would have a listing of media facts and double entendres, but I just don’t have the gift.  I will say though that my favorite part of the movie’s climax was not watching God have his way with the Nazis,  but the way the wind plastered her satin gown over her handsome figure.  Come on, I was 17.  As well as acting, she has her own clothing line, Karen Allen Fiber Arts, featuring handmade cashmere clothing.  Congratulations to Karen Allen, this week’s Taco Award Winner.

Offer includes 2 tacos, an audience with the ‘tacoteurs,’ and a free Tacotopia t-shirt. Taco Award winners may claim their prizes by responding on  the Tacotopia Facebook Page, or by emailing tacos@tacotopia.net.

Offer subject to cancellation by order of the wives of the tacoteurs.

At Home on Taco Row – Tapatia #1

So as mentioned last time, the Boss and I went and partook in a ritual we haven’t done in a while.  I must say, it was good to be back.  It’s true.  We are both currently reinventing ourselves in the “healthy” sort of way.  I don’t know how The Taco Show Host does it, but I had to drop my daily taco fix to stay under my now year-old draconian calorie limits.  But when the Doc speaks, people listen.  So I do the hamster thing at the gym as regularly as I can and stay motivated by participating in physical events like Tough Mudder, Beach to Bay, and the Harbor Half Marathon Relay.  Humble brags aside, this is not a fitness blog, but a taco blog, and  it was nice to bust a move on a couple of Gabriel’s best.

I also must say it was kind of The Taco Show host not to mention that I didn’t even ask if Gabriel’s had homemade corn tortillas when I ordered my barbacoa.  I faux pas some would consider unforgivable.   In my own defense, I had seen the big, fluffy, floured beauties saunter past under the guidance of obviously experienced porters a half-a-dozen times so I had already decided to have a couple.  I did end up asking if they had homemade torts and in fact they do so I look forward to giving them a spin.

Today we met at La Tapatia #1 at Kostoryz and Gollihar.  It’s a small place with that distinct South Texas patina commonly found in taco shops.  There were several other patrons and the place was abuzz with Spanish conversation.  The Taco Show Host ordered as is his custom, a carne-g and a chorizo and egg – both on flour.  I opted for one of my favorites, nopalitos and eggs a la Mexicana, and something a bit more sinister, a SPAM and egg – also both on flour.  La Tapatia has homemade corn torts, but I guess I still have an hankerin’ for flour.  We coffeed up and talked tech while we waited.  The coffee was good, and once they got rolling, constantly refreshed.

Once the goods arrived, we set to it.  The nopalitos taco was loaded with cactus.  A generous dose of the a la Mexicana vegetables provided the perfect complement to the vinegary tang of the nopales – all-in-all, a success.  Nestled in scrambled eggs and wrapped in a perfect tortilla, I couldn’t have asked for more.  While I don’t eat SPAM much, I do consider myself if not an expert, at least a very experienced dabbler in the SPAM taco.  As SPAM tacos go, this one didn’t jump out of the pack and scream “I am Taco, hear me roar!”  The technicians out there would have noted that it was for the most part well-executed, but it could have used more canned pig.

The accessories on the table were impressive.  Both hot sauces, a green, and a wonderfully-orange sauce were delicious.  I also ordered fresh chiles and between the three, almost managed to get my heat on.  Speaking of hot, I got into a text conversation the other day with a long-time friend – an army buddy I’ve known for 30 years.  He lives in a beautiful part of Wisconsin.  We don’t see each other much, but I’m always happy to hear from him.  He mentioned that he was corning beef.  Now I love me some corned beef.  Mostly because cold, wrapped in a good tort, it makes a great breakfast.  He was using a good recipe, Alton Brown’s, and I mentioned that I preferred it tweaked a bit on the spicy side.  Now, I’m not one of those people that think nothing’s too hot.  In fact, I know hot.  I’m not a big fan.  Hot is different for everyone.  Hot for me is pleasurable up to about habanero.  After that, moderation is a must.  I was recently reminded of this when a friend gave me some tabascos he’d grown in his back yard.  We all know tabasco…as in Tabasco – that delicious, fermented pepper concoction made on Avery Island.  I like the sauce, usually not that hot.  (But it comes in several levels of hotness.)  So I figured I’d pop one in my gob and give it a go.  I was on fire!!  The flojo moco, the hiccups, tears.  I had it all for 20-minutes.  Once again, a reminder to look before you leap.  I say take a look into La Tapatia #1 if you find yourself in the area and in the mood.

Salud

Our Taco Award Winner for this week is:

Olivia D’Abo

I’ll always see Ms. D’Abo as a member of the Q continuum on Star Trek – The Next Generation, or maybe as a spoiled princess in Conan the Destroyer, but either way, through the eyes of a teen-aged boy.  However, she continues to be active in her crafts acting and music.  Her long filmography includes many television series, voice acting roles, movies and the theater.  She has had success as a singer-songwriter, teaming up with music luminaries like Leanard Cohen.

Offer includes 2 tacos, an audience with the ‘tacoteurs,’ and a free Tacotopia t-shirt. Taco Award winners may claim their prizes by responding on  the Tacotopia Facebook Page, or by emailing tacos@tacotopia.net.

Offer subject to cancellation by order of the wives of the tacoteurs.